Atonye has been in a daze for four days. He recalled his mother’s warnings about girls on campus and how he should avoid getting entangled with them. He wondered if it were her prayers that might be wreaking havoc on him. The thought of his mom’s prayers haunting him made him feel a mix of guilt and confusion, leaving him even more lost in his thoughts as he sat on his mattress that evening.
Getting admitted to UNICAL was a struggle for Atonye, as he had to attempt JAMB and UTME three times before succeeding on the fourth try. During these times of writing JAMB, his mother would conduct a series of prayers for him, forcing him to attend numerous night vigils and prayer meetings in her church. But Atonye did not believe that his problem was spiritual because he knew he was intelligent. He believed that his struggle was due to the flawed education system and the pressure to perform well on standardized tests. Despite his doubts, Atonye pushed through and eventually achieved his goal of gaining admission to UNICAL, proving to himself and others that his intelligence was not the issue.
“The Lord has answered my prayers! At last, my son has gotten admission, oh!” His mother screamed and reacted after he broke the news of his admission to her. He recalled all the advice she dished out to him before he left Yenagoa to Calabar. “Remember where you are coming from….focus on your studies and avoid getting entangled with any girl on campus oh!” His mom reminded him of how his dad left them for another woman, she sited clearly that it was because of his dad’s insatiable lust for women that caused him to abandon them. He remembered the narration vividly.
Atonye had just concluded his final clearance at the Senate yesterday and will be leaving Calabar in three days’ time. He should be excited and relieved that he was finally through with UNICAL — all the stress and multifaceted challenges that he had encounter as a student in UNICAL, including the extra year he had just completed. But he was not. Suffice to say that he was sad because he had just found love with Judith, a girl He met during his final clearance, and they both had an instant connection from the onset. Each time he saw her, her warm smile and round, lovely face would melt his heart. He was enthralled not only by her beauty but also by the variety of talks she had with him.
Atonye was conflicted. It was deja vu. He wondered why this was happening to him again. The first time he fell in love was in his final term in SS3 during his WAEC examination. He had hoped Ibiere would return for NECO, but that never happened. He never got the chance to tell her about his feelings for her. Timi and Bobby, his close friends at the time, taunted and bantered with him throughout the period of their exams for his lack of courage in expressing his feelings to Ibiere. That experience traumatized Atonye for some time, but he got over it with the hope that he would get more opportunities for love at UNICAL.
Upon his resumption at UNICAL, Atonye was drawn farther away from the love he had hoped to find by the department of geography and environmental management. He struggled with a series of carryovers from three major courses in his first year. These carryovers took up a significant amount of his time and energy. However, this setback transformed Atonye into a more studious and dedicated student who became focused on righting his false start in Year 1. There were a few girls Atonye had crushed on before Judith. He knew he had not yet conquered his demons of fear — the ones he experienced with Ibiere and the tall girl in law.
Should he tell her? Of what use would it be? I mean, he will be leaving Calabar soon. He was caught in a decision-making limbo of either telling her or not telling her. Atonye couldn’t help but question the significance of sharing his feelings with her. He wondered if it would only complicate matters further, considering the distance that would soon separate them.
“I should tell her tonight.” He said to himself as he stood up from his mattress and paced around in his compound that evening. His day has been marred by these taunting feelings about his inability to tell Judith that he was in love with her. He feared that confessing his love would burden Judith with the knowledge of his impending departure, potentially causing her unnecessary pain. However, he also realized that keeping his feelings hidden might lead to regret and missed opportunities. As he weighed the pros and cons, he couldn’t shake the feeling that honesty was the best course of action, regardless of the outcome.
He thought of telling her via text, but he dispelled the idea swiftly, stating that Judith might not take him seriously if he used that route. Atonye mused: But how do I tell her? How should I start? How should I say it? He kept on pondering. He had never wooed a girl before. He decided that a face-to-face conversation would be the most sincere and genuine approach, but his lack of courage and fear kept taunting and haunting him.
“I have been meaning to tell you this for a while now, but I felt it would be useless.”
He stops himself halfway as he tries to compose the perfect words for Judith. He smiles to himself as he thought about it. But fear griped him again. “How would Judith react when I tell her? Would she feel the same way toward me?” He asked himself. Atonye stepped back into his room and lay on his mattress again. Their transformer had been faulty, hence the blackout in his neighborhood. He was deep in thought as he lay on his mattress. Some suggestions buzzed into his mind. He picked up his phone and searched on Google: ‘how to tell a girl you love her’. He saw loads of results from his search, and he opted for the suggestion of inviting her for either lunch or dinner. He concluded that he would face his demons, that he would invite Judith for a lunch date tomorrow. His chest suddenly felt a burst of exhilaration. The concept had him all fired up.
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